Finally Tori and I sat down and watched TV. After all the build up and ritual of a death, we put our metaphoric feet up, and caught up on the outside world news, Channel 4 naturally. They reported on a campaign to preserve a remarkable railway tunnel under a hill (to convert to a cycle track or fill in concrete for x billion). We keep hearing the trains and of trains. Peter’s passion.
This is how it is and will be for Tori. Those perfectly innocuous moments, unexpectedly stabbing a memory and missingness into the mind. I remember bursting in to tears opposit the GUI pudding chiller while shopping at the Co-op in Halesworth, shortly after Bob died – he had a cupboard full of their remaining glass dishes.
I will never fall in love again’ said Tori, a well of tears suddenly arriving at this realisation. the profoundness of her own mortality, shortness of time, preciousness of what she had with Peter and it’s goneness. In a different way, that is what I am rehersing these days. As we walked on a glorious winter summers day along the Wey Navigation beside the river, passed John Donnes summer home, I thought: I will never live on a barge on a water way, as I’d once hoped to.
Tori asked to to give a Eulogy for Peter. It was a fine gift, being allowed to collect snippets of his life with her over 24 hours. Here it is with some photographs: from Kerry helping to get the model train set working to our poster boards of photographs, and finally the walk along the Wey.
Peter Hem
Sorting through Peters life in photographs yesterday with Tori one thing became clear, the red thread, the most, the most loved, was for Trains, dogs/cats, and Tori and family. Sometimes there was a photograph of all three. Peter had what people call a good eye, he took brilliant photographs, he was particularly observant, he was a watcher. Of the dogs, dogs in action (Gus leaping) and resting. (paws crossed, relaxing). You can tell much of a person through what they saw through their eyes, and how they captured what they saw and I’m going to go through the photographs in my mind as I talk to you, and take up Peters 3 loves.
1. TRAINS
I’m going to start with trains, after all Tori first met Peter off a train at Surbitan station.
In Peters own self deprecating, and as it is, words in his interview as a signal man at Haslemere.
‘I did the usual things, worked in the city, got married, had children.’
He talked of city life – not the city life of Hore Govett since 1971 but commuting
‘It was different then. Very sociable. People didn’t start quite so early. Those days were the halcyon days when breakfast was served on the train, full english, in green china, or if you weren’t quite so well off a bacon sandwich, or even poorer tomatoes on toast.’
He described his move from city trader to signal man as poacher turned gamekeeper.
Taking early retirement Peter decided to turn his efforts to one of his passions, the railway, and in 2001, he became a signaller at Haslemere signal box.
Not out of the blue/He knew the ropes
He’d travelled to school by on steam trains. Grew up with the demise of the Great Western (1965), became involved in the GW Society and before he knew it was on the board, just out of short trousers. Later, in longer trousers, he got involved in Didcot (former Great Western Railway engine-shed and locomotive stabling point), and there is a photograph of him exactly there.
It was in 2000, when the 36 hour week came in and there were vacancies. Peter applied to Haslemere.
As James Webb said at Peters Retirement from the railway speech from Haslemere
‘If I was having a bad day at Havent I’d always check the roster to see if Peter was on the late turn and we could chat the whole afternoon away, as I became hocked to his stories. He is an excellent historian, a keen political observer and a great follower of arts and music.’
2. TORI and family
As I said it was by train he came to meet Tori for the first time.
It is no secret that Tori and Peter met on a Internet dating site.
He arrived at Surbitan station, his favourite place, for heloved the architecture. (masterpiece of Scottish architect James Robb Scott)
‘Internet dating had its own etiquette, Tori explained, which involved a lot of signally by winking, but we eventually went out for a meal together, when Peter asked me of my working background, I said, House of Commons.
‘Ah he said you must have known my first wife who worked there at exactly the same time.’
But Tori had taken 5 years off her Internet Date statistical life. So, unmasked and true from the start, began their great friendship over 10 years ago now.
They were both similar and different.
They both loved the Kinks.
Tori describes: Peter had huge tolerance, and was unjudgemental,
Speaking as a Kellett, these are two attributes we are not blessed with so how fine it was then to have a friendship of two people, complementing and tempering the other.
He said: I like company, but i don’t crave company. He was happy in his own company, upstairs, making models for the model railway. If he finished the days fiendish suduko by the morning, he was content.
I first met Peter at Marmsbury at Alex and Kerry’s wedding (photograph on family and friends). The first I heard of him in a way was Tori laughing, after what had been a long time of not much laughter, laughing like a young girl, naughty, cheeky, fun. I turned the corner and saw the cause of the laughter, Peter sitting on the farm cottage veranda, relaxed, with a pint of ale beside him, saying something that made Tori laugh.
He not only embraced Tori’s family as you can see from the photographs, he became a father figure to Charlie, with enormous generosity offered Charlie his flat in Liphock as an independent space to call home.
Tori and Peter travelled – much after Peter retired again from being a signal man, and some of their ventres are on photographs here.
Peter said as they boarded their first plane together ‘I haven’t flown for 30 years. I have a phobia of flying’. They were to Venice for their honeymoon. Before, naturally they’d gone everywhere by train.
3. DOGS / CATS
They both shared a love of dogs. He’d always had dogs, and the dog between Tori and Peter was Gus who arrived 2017 to accompany Millie. You will all know them. The happiest place for Peter, dogs and Tori was Girvan. Girvan was the house in Scotland where Peters parents retired to, and which became Peters. It had been left as it was in his parents time, time warp. But it wasn’t the house that held the time. Apart from the Harbour bar, naturally Peters favourite haunt. it was the empty beaches, Natioanl Trust castle and park, Culzean (CULLANE) right on the sea,where they would walk spend time. Or lately Tori would walk and Peter in the Harbour bar. There is a beautiful photograph of Gus and Mill on Girvan beach with Alysecraig in the distance.
The fire last easter seriously damaged the home, and that was their last visit Easter 2019.
The last photo of Peter is holding Domino in the kitchen, holding with such tenderness. This photo is taken by Tori. She saw Peters eye, seeing, observing, watching.
‘I’m ringing from the early departure lounge’, Peter would say to Tori from Kingston Hospital, his wry humour never missing. ‘How are the dogs?’
The dogs are fine Peter, they miss you, particularly Gus, but we will take care of them
January 2020
Rachel with love to Tori
Waterloo Sunset (The Kinks)
Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, rolling into the night
People so busy, make me feel dizzy, taxi light shines so bright
But I don’t, need no friends
As long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset, I am in paradise
Every day I look at the world from my window
Chilly chilly is the evening time, Waterloo sunset’s fine
Terry meets Julie, Waterloo Station, every Friday night
But I am so lazy, don’t want to wander, I stay at home at night
But I don’t, feel afraid
As long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset, I am in paradise
Every day I look at the world from my window
Chilly chilly is the evening time, Waterloo sunset’s fine
Millions of people swarming like flies ’round Waterloo underground
Terry and Julie cross over the river where they feel safe and sound
And they don’t, need no friends
As long as they gaze on Waterloo Sunset, they are in paradise
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Raymond Douglas Davies
Waterloo Sunset lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Days (The Kinks)
Thank you for the days
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me
I’m thinking of the days
I won’t forget a single day, believe me
I bless the light
I bless the light that lights on you believe me
And though you’re gone
You’re with me every single day, believe me
Days I’ll remember all my life
Days when you can’t see wrong from right
You took my life
But then I knew that very soon you’d leave me
But it’s all right
Now I’m not frightened of this world, believe me
I wish today could be tomorrow
The night is dark
It just brings sorrow, let it wait
Thank you for the days
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me
I’m thinking of the days
I won’t forget a single day, believe me
Days I’ll remember all my life
Days when you can’t see wrong from right
You took my life
But then I knew that very soon you’d leave me
But it’s all right
Now I’m not frightened of this world, believe me
Days
Thank you for the days
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me
I’m thinking of the days
I won’t forget a single day, believe me
I bless the light
I bless the light that shines on you believe me
And though you’re gone
You’re with me every single day, believe me
Kalikellett 